J. Jason Lazarus Blog

Finished book two last night and within four hours I was in the movie theatre finally getting around to seeing the flick. I was actually pretty surprised how well-done it was - although the CG was lacking in some places, they managed to not deviate from the storyline nearly as much as I assumed that they would have. And to be honest - the deviations that were there were very, very few and not really worth even squaking about. The biggest problem that I had was trying to wrap my head around why they changed it the small ways that they did - and then I had to concede and realize that even though C.S. Lewis’ work is outstanding, it does tend to lack a trilling climax, epic battles and does not draw on the strings of emotions nearly as much as many epic movies do nowadays (a la LOTR) and so some creative license was to increase these in the movie where they tended to lack in the book. Nonetheless, most impressive was the score - Fantasy-based movies have been hit so hard before LOTR’s success that budgets were so thin that a awe-inspiring score was the last thing on the directors minds - making the dragons more realistic and Tom Cruise’s tights tighter were on their minds. Overall a great movie if you’re willing to allow yourself to be awed like a child would be for two hours.

So - an outstanding thing has happened this year, and let me say it now before anyone else says it so that I can get credit for it - Political Correctness is dead. This holiday season ushered in a new mindset in the media as well as the populace - it’s okay to say “Merry Christmas”
*shocked* *stunned*!?!?!?!?

Yes! Yuletide greetings, no matter what flavor, are now apparently politically correct because it’s officially “ok to believe in what you believe in and announce that belief in … PUBLIC!”

What’s next to fall?

With the help of the likes of Morgan Freeman, Politically Correct titles like “African American” and “Italian American” will be a thing of the past. Although Freeman’s plan (from… what his 60 minutes interview this week?) is that we stop calling each other black, white,pinkpurplebrown…whatever - we’re just people. Granted, people hold onto being individualistic so much that that’ll nver happen - but with the Christmas (yes, not Holiday, but Christmas) season is upon us for the first time in … what, 5, 10 years… it’s only a matter of time that we realize that Politically Correctness is only managing to highlight the fact that we all know that we’re trying to make those around us feel overly comfortable.

What do I mean by that?

You can’t tell me that you can say “fireperson” to a fireman with a straight damned face on. You can’t tell me that you don’t get tired of someone correcting you when you say “she’s a great actor”. what the hell is a “Chairperson” and what’s its pural? “Chairpersons”? Seriously, we call a female doctor a doctor, why can’t we just realize that she’s a chairman of a company whether or not we call her a chairman, chairwoman, chairperson or whatever the flavor of the week is.

And what’s worse is now there’s PC-backlash! People literally HATE being called by PC titles! Older generations as well as the young are sick and tired of being called “African American” or any other of the millions of other gender,racial or religious-specific titles.

So going into a conversation with someone you may offend them as you strive to not offend them! You may offend them by taking a relaxed approach and not use PC terms - when the hell are we going to realize that we’ll rarely ever get called what we want to be called in this life? How many people have either attempted to establish a nice, neutral nickname for themselves (and failed miserably) or had one bad one follow them for way too long? Same thing - same thing. Maybe good ole morgan’s got a good point - I don’t want to be white or straight or an “asshole” or a “geek” or “nerd” or whatever title you’ve got for me - just call me by my name and my profession (without gender specificity). Thank you. /rant.

Uploaded some new pics of the new apartment - we’re almost completely done with moving. Seeing that we technically have our UAF apartment till the end of the month we’ve been taking our sweet time moving and we’re almost done. We’re planning on checking out this Thursday just to get it done. Thankfully because of the extreme situation of the construction and such we are getting our deposit back which is a sigh of relief. An extra 600+ could help in San Francisco!

Moving has really been taking a lot out of me - had a LOT to move for those that know me, you know how true that statement is. Positively, because our place is so big (i’d say between 800 and 1000 sq ft) our junk is managing to virtually dissolve into the walls because we have that much space. It’s really nice to actually have somewhere to go read, another room to watch TV in, a real office and a real kitchen - everything is falling together so well.

Found out last night that I’m going to be an uncle. The concept is pretty scary and instantly makes me feel much older than I am. I think both Deanna and I right now are just tired of all the shocks-to-our-system lately and would just like things to slow down. From deaths in the family to moving to the upcoming wedding, the trips to Kenai and San Fran, worrying about her mother’s health, worrying about money, keeping on top of both of our jobs, graduation… all of it makes this just another thing to worry about. Don’t get me wrong, I’m exceptionally happy for her family but it just takes you back a space and makes you reflect. Soon enough Deanna and I are going to be the only couple we know that isn’t pregnant or hasn’t been pregnant. In fact, there’s only bout three couples … maybe four off the top of my head that I do know that aren’t pregnant yet… and I do mean yet. I almost feel like with my methodical planning of all of this (getting a good job, having insurance, having Deanna graduated, having a house/large apt) before we do get pregnant seems silly when so many people are just… for lack of a better term, diving in head first. I know that some have their reasons (i.e. Ashlee literally can’t wait) but it just really makes me think about why people don’t try to wait longer. No insult at all intended to those that have had a “surprise” or had children early - none intended at all - it’s just that when I think of having a child I want to provide the best for it and I still feel weary that I’m capable of that - is it wrong for me to be so methodical in my planning? Is it simply a personal choice or should we think less and, no pun intended, do more?

Nonetheless, I am very happy for this news - I just like reflecting on what it makes me think about.

So after coming to the conclusion that right now I don’t have the capacity to read such a heavy (due to content, not number of pages) as Jeanette Winterson’s Art and Lies, I decided to pick something up on the opposite end of the scale. With Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe coming out in theatres last week and me finally breaking down and buying it rather than checking it out at the library, I picked up the entire Chronicles of Narnia and just finished the first book, The Magician’s Nephew, yesterday. I’m already halfway through Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe and I’m truly enjoying the experience of a nice light read.

Finals are here and Deanna is almost done with them. Friday will be her last day of finals and she’s already signed up for what looks to be her last semester as a undergrad. She’s four classes away from graduating! I’m so proud of her and the huge effort she’s taken this last year or two to really grind toward getting done with this degree.

Looks like her brother’s wedding is going to happen the day after Christmas so we’ll be down there for that as well. I wish the best for Luke and really do hope that I get the chance to spend some time with him while I’m down there - I don’t get to talk much geek around my current circle of friends - least not nearly as much as I’d like to. Plus, with more and more of my friends becoming either Mac converts or what I like to call Mac-sympathists (i.e. people who don’t care what kind of computer they’re on and don’t mind macs), it’s nice to have Luke poke fun at my recent convertism. Speaking of which I’m thinking it’ll be less than a month till we’ll be picking up a Mac Mini - I know, I know, we’ve been talking about this for quite some time but it’s now or never - if Jobs doesn’t announce Intel Mac Mini’s to be coming sooner than June ‘06 at Macworld in… geesh less than 4 weeks… I’ll be buying the current model.

3 weeks till we fly for San Fran. I’m hoping that this trip will be the best out of the three - even though I do have quite a bit of work to do while I’m down there I’ve still got several days off. With our money issues pretty much cured with the recent move-in, we might be spending quite a little down there to insure we have fun.

Speaking of moving in we’ve got about 80% of all our stuff moved out - the rest is crap I have no idea where I’m going to put - not that we’re running out of space - oh no, quite the opposite. I just don’t know where I’m going to put all this junk that I’ll probably barely/never use but am too dumb/proud/idiotic/cheap to get rid of it. I do know that the second bedroom is going to serve as an opportunity to have a good portion of my game systems out and ready to play with. Being a old-school gamer I’ve got quite a bit a old games that only serve their purpose if they’re readily available to play (ie why play a game if you have to search for the controllers, the game, the power cord, etc when the ps2 is already up and running?). I hope to have more pictures tomorrow when we get internet out there - funny thing, it takes 6-8 days to get your phone connected but only four days for cable/internet? Interesting. Decided to go all-out on the cable with digital cable and it’s 135 channels. Now if this doesn’t make me instantly popular with my friends to poor/cheap to afford cable I don’t know what will. I’m also getting faster-than-UAF broadband service which is thankfully uncapped 3mb/s. After finding thissite on the Maccast (podcast I subscribe to) I’ll need all the broadband I can get. For those unfamiliar with torrents, this site hosts links to over 500 movies that are in the public domain - many that are good classics and tons of old sci-fi/horror movies - all free and all LEGAL TO DOWNLOAD. Problem is, not many people are using the site so speeds are slow (this is how bittorrent works, more people on, higher speeds).
So yeah, pictures tonight hopefully - buying a sofa/futon and cannibalizing a network admin desk that I’ve got in storage and making a decent desk out of it for my home.

I discussed a while ago how this holiday season game developers were finally getting off of their asses and actually, finally, releasing games for the Nintendo DS - a game system that, up to this point, had managed to become a replacement for my Gameboy SP rather than a new game system because of the severe lack of decent games.
No longer. Mariokart DS and Sonic DS have come out. Both are pretty classic games with small twists that make them amazingly addictive. Mariokart is now online via built-in wireless - online… mmoracing…from a handheld that doesn’t cost a arm and a leg… yum. In fact it’s managed to become so addictive that I’ve had to start going to the public library. Because of UAF’s restrictive policies on their wireless, I’m forced to go to Noel Wein for gaming fun - Fairbanks has a horrible lack of open wifi and we don’t have the Wayport Access like everyplace else does on the earth in local McDonalds. Nonetheless, I go to the library… to game.. Sick, I know.
That said, I’m not actually addicted - just overly amused at this rather… simple… game. If you’ve got a DS, get Mariokart. It’s worth it.
Sonic DS works off of the same old play that we all got on the original on the Genesis and makes it better by streching the action onto two screens - everything is faster, harder and funner to watch. Well worth the money as well.
I’ve actually been using my DS almost non-stop when I’m not at work because of these two games. Because of a unnoticed open wireless hub near my apartment (no clue where it might be) I’ve managed to play quite a bit at home as well.

There’s a tenative plan to move off campus possibly by the end of the month. The construction upstairs will be tenatively done by “soon” and “by january” - and it’s already been two months as it is. Knowing how projects around campus go, this will probably last till April - and even though 24-hour quiet hours for finals pretain to the residents, it won’t for the workers. Thankfully, Res Life has been more than compromising in this situation and have offered up a great way to get out - now I’ve just got to find a place. Anyone that has any clues please contact me - looking for a 2 bdr / 800+ sq ft place for under $900 or so.

Although this upsets our plans to buy this summer I’ve had a lot of second thoughts (and Deanna has as well) about buying. We don’t have the money for a down payment, I don’t know how much or if my parents could help and it’s too close to summer to save enough to make the difference. Although getting on campus early enough for deanna’s job in the morning would frustrate my schedule it’s worth it just to get some separation in my life - with everything being about the U in my life it makes it hard to say or do anything I want to in fear that it may hurt me in one way or another because things do tend to travel around the U pretty fast.

Nonetheless, almost two weeks till we leave for Kenai and when we get back from that we’ll be packing for San Fran - so the next month is going to be a rough one but hopefully a really fun one. Still don’t know what’s going on down at her parents house and whether we’ll be down there just for Christmas or for her brother’s wedding as well.

Today my Great Aunt Issie died at 85. It’s managed to be one of the most hard-hitting losses that have become pretty regular in the past few years - especially the last two months. Although most of you have never heard of me talk about anyone past my direct family and inlaws, Issie was one of the closest family members I had. Although we hadn’t truly talked in the last few years, her and Uncle Bill were some of the only family on either side (mom and dad’s) that appreciated both my parents and respected my dad for his decision to join the military. We were always treated completely like family whenever we went to their house - a house that became a second home over the years. Both Bill and her are some of the most warm-hearted traditional southerners you’ll ever meet - always with a warm home-cooked meal, large enough for a invading army, ready whenever you came over, it was hard not to love the both of them for the amazing comfort and love they gave those around them. A good portion of my fond childhood memories center around them and their house - no matter where we lived in the lower 48, we managed to visit their oasis of caring. I can’t find the tears to cry nor know if i should find them - not really knowing if they really exist anymore. I know millions out there have it harder than me but the frustration and lost has just been continuing to compound.
About a month and a half ago I lost my last Grandparent - my Dad’s mother. Prime example of another time I couldn’t find the tears. I most definately hadn’t been the prime example of a grandson but you find yourself at my age and in our family situation less than willing to continue to strive to keep such tight ties. I’ve ended up hating myself for not putting aside some of the stupid preschoolish things she may or may not have done to my family and managed never rekindling a bond with her - a bond i’m unable to get back now because she’s gone. She was one of the following people that have come to Alaska to visit us.
The years in Alaska have pryed our family away from our lower-48 ties so much you wonder if there’s any difference with them gone than when they were here. Do not take that comment the wrong way - as I know that it can so easily be construed in a ill manner. Much of both of the sides of my family have resented my father’s decision to join the military even though it has managed to bring not only prosperity but also great travels and experience for all of us. Sure, I lost a LOT of friends on the way - but there was never no food on the table and because of our sacrifices, I was placed through college. In ‘96, my father’s choice sent us here, to Alaska. Almost immediately we had family members lining up to the idea of visiting us in the “great north” - as simply illustrated in the aptly advertised “B4UDIE” campaign by the Alaskan tourism department, it’s one of those last places everyone wants to go.
10 years later? Two family members have come to visit. My parents have logged countless trips down south to visit, take care of the sick and to bury family. Two family members in almost 10 years. Two.
My parents riddle off financial issues of the concerned parties but it just astounds me that in ten years, two. We’re not a small family either.
I’ll admit that I haven’t managed to save up my own money to visit my kin down south - but years ago I realized all of this and have grown bitter - unfortunately. I miss many of my family but in the end, every year passes and yet another family member passes. Ones that I wanted to reconnect with, wanted to visit, wanted to correspond with. So is it better to continue with the tradition of not seeing ones family simply to stay the added hurt that comes when you reaquaint yourself one loved ones just to loose them years down the road? As childish as it seems, it seems such a valid point. It ends up being easier to deal with a death of someone you haven’t seen in years than to deal with loosing someone you’ve just seen. And I know how horrible this sounds - I KNOW.
Above all I guess i’m kicking myself in the heart for all the missed opportunities. I miss Aunt Issie terribly - as well as my Grandmother. I can’t find the tears and that makes it worse. I can’t even find the feelings that should well my eyes full of tears - and that bothers me - is it me or is it the disconnection from family?
As you probably noticed the title this ends up being yet another drop in the bucket of things that have bothered me in one way or another - and as selfish as it may seem to be thinking of my own wellbeing at a time like this, I’m just getting … tired of all of it. A portion of my problems are work-related and I won’t talk about those here - finances are bothering me because I’m trying to figure out our next move as Deanna graduates - should I be 25 and considering a mortgage? Should I just rent? Should we start having kids? Should we be saving more? I’ve got to start thinking about retirement - and that’s 29 years away! I have friends that want me to care about UAF as I did when I was big in RHA and ASUAF but throughout my years here I realized that I was one of the few that ever cared in either one of those organizations and, to be honest, I’m tired of caring for such apathetic people. I’m tired of having construction going on over my head half the damned day for the last two months. I can’t even think in my own apartment when it’s happening. I have to worry about all the trips that we’re doing this next month - I have to worry about what’s going to go on down at Deanna’s parents house - I have to save over a third of everything we make right now to even have a chance at a downpayment for a home - I have to worry about my weight, working out, keeping in shape, being a good employee, pleasing everyone in the world, trying to make new friends, trying to keep old ones, trying to clear my schedule enough to have friends… I have to try to get more website jobs to get more money, I have to try to get my artwork out there too…and while doing all this I’m trying to lower my blood pressure which requires me not to worry so much. And this just manages to be another drop in the bucket. A rather big one that I’m still trying to comprehend how I’m going to deal with it. I thank God for Deanna cause without her this whole struggle would be unbearable.